


sing to me, i know you're there

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Rose Universe [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Tsunami (9-1-1 TV), mentions of implied injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26770126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: The second the alert comes through, Chimney feels as though he’s going to be sick and he can see the exact same look on Eddie’s face as well. Their kids are there, the two most important people in his and Eddie’s lives are at the pier when a tsunami hits and there is nothing either of them can do about it other than hope and pray and try and remind themselves that Buck and Maddie were stubborn and strong and they had both been through hell and back more times than anyone should.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Howie "Chimney" Han & Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Rose Universe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951450
Kudos: 42
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

All she can remember is holding onto Rose as tightly as she possibly could, telling herself over and over again that no matter what, she couldn’t let go. No matter how much it hurt or how tired she felt, how much pain she was in, nothing else mattered beyond the fact she could not let the little girl Chimney had trusted her with go. It was the mantra that repeated in her head over and over again, right up until the moment she finds herself able to walk on soaked but solid ground again, and even then, the thought of unwrapping her arms from around the crying girl causes her heart to ache.

She doesn’t know how long it’s been since the first wave hit and time seems redundant anyway when they’re surrounded by so much horror. It somehow feels as though hours has passed since she found herself able to stand instead of trying to hold onto Rose and swim at the same time, but also it feels like no time has passed at all. The worst of it has yet to come, she supposes, when the hospitals start to get inundated, when loved ones start looking for family members, when people start realising that someone they love might not be coming home.

Maddie feels as though a piece of her is missing the second she sets Rose down on the ground, both of them already starting to dry off in the LA sun. It’s the first time she’s been able to speak to her beyond breathy whispers she’s not even sure Rose had heard as she held onto the wing mirror of a fire truck with one hand, her other arm wrapped tightly around Chimney’s daughter. It’s the first time she’s been able to look into those brown eyes, so strikingly similar to her father’s, both in colour and the fact that they’re so easy to give the two Han’s away on what they’re feeling, what they’re thinking.

She bites down on her lip in an attempt to stop the tears from falling when she thinks of the man who knows that his daughter is here and has no idea where she is or if she’s even okay. She needs to find him, she needs for him to know that Rose made it. “Hey, I know you’re scared and that’s okay because I am, too.” She tries not to think too much about her brother or Christopher, or how they’d been trying to cheer her brother up after he’d quit his job. Christopher and Rose were always so good at putting that smile back on the youngest Buckley’s face and it had worked, for a few hours. They had been having fun and now her brother and his best friends son could be—

Maddie cuts her own thoughts off as she kneels down, ignoring the pain that pulsates through her body as she does. Hands moving to the little girls face as her eyes glance over her body, looking for any sign of obvious injury. She and Rose had been on their way back to the car just to pop the giant cuddly bear Buck had won for her in the car but the boys had stayed behind, they had been on the pier when—and her mind goes right there again and she tries to remind herself that she would know. If her brother was gone, she’s sure she would feel it somewhere deep inside of her, so she shakes it off _again_ and tries to focus on the person she had promised to protect. Buck had always been quick to remind her that he wasn’t a little boy she had to protect anymore but Rose—Chimney had trusted her with the one most precious thing in his life and she had to make sure that he got his daughter back in his arms, right where she belonged. That was the task she had to focus on.

“D-do you feel any hurt anywhere?”

It’s with a whimper and a pout that Rose nods her head, bravely wiping at the tears that make their way down her cheeks before she turns around to show Maddie her back. There’s no blood but it doesn’t stop the tension in her chest when she lifts her top up, hating the relief she feels when she just sees very obvious finger shaped bruising forming on her skin. She hates that she’s the cause of any pain she’d feel but she hadn’t let go, no matter what the sea had tried to throw at them, she hadn’t let go. It’s with a forced smile that she leans forward to press her lips over the bruising, slowly turning Rose to face her again. “When we see daddy, he’s going to kiss it all better and I bet those cool superhero band aids at home will help, too.”

It’s hard not to burst into tears when she’s looking into the eyes of a terrified three year old, even more so when a little hand comes towards her to brush her damp hair from her face, “Bleeding, Maddie.” She’s used to Rose being the loudest, to being rambunctious and confident but her voice is quiet and her movements gentle when she grazes her fingers along Maddie’s head and her eyes fill with fresh tears. “Bleeding lots.”

“No, no, I’m fine. I promise, it looks a lot worse than it is because of the water and I don’t even feel it.” It’s a lie but one she knows she’ll be forgiven for as her eyes glance over the little girls body once more, just to make sure there’s nothing she’s missed. “Do you think you can walk for a little bit?”

“Your arm looks like mine did when I met you.”

“Maybe I’ll get a bright yellow cast, too, little star.”

.

The second the alert comes through, Chimney feels as though he’s going to be sick and he can see the exact same look on Eddie’s face as well. Their kids are there, the two most important people in his and Eddie’s lives are at the pier when a tsunami hits and there is nothing either of them can do about it other than hope and pray and try and remind themselves that Buck and Maddie were stubborn and strong and they had both been through hell and back more times than anyone should. They would see them through, it was all Chimney had to cling onto.

He’s relieved when Bobby splits him and Eddie up, so he doesn’t have to see that terror and suffering in the other mans eyes that he knows so clearly reflects his own. He wants to help, they both want to help as many people as they possibly can because they know that every single member of the LAFD is doing everything they can right then and that has to include them for as long as they can manage. It’s just with every minute that passes them by and neither of them hear from Buck or Maddie or anyone to tell them that Rose and Christopher are safe, is another minute closer to feeling as though they’re going to join the hoards of grieving people around them.

They were on the pier, they were meant to be having a fun, stupid Buckley sibling day with their two favourite kids. Neither Maddie or Buck had explored that particular part of LA before and Eddie and Chimney had thought it would be a great idea to get Buck out of his funk and most importantly, out of his bed. Chimney wishes more than anything that they had just decided to go to the zoo or the museum or anywhere else. He knows he would literally give anything to turn back time and suggest something else that morning.

It’s hard to focus, it’s even harder to hold back his own feelings when he watches parents looking for their children or finds himself running over to a little girl who resembles Rose from the back even for a second. He’s getting lost in the fear of it all, he can already feel himself spiralling, even more so when the sun begins to set and his phone is running out of battery from the amount of times he’s unlocked it to try and send a text to Maddie that never goes through. “They’re going to be okay, Chim.”

Hen always knows what he’s thinking but even he can see the fear in her eyes, covered only by the relief she must feel knowing that Denny is safe with Karen, far away from all of this mess. How he wishes he could feel that, or rather, feel anything other than the sickness in his stomach and the tension in his chest. He can remember holding Rose in his arms for the first time, promising her the world and that he would protect her. She’s so little, he doesn’t know what he’ll do if anything happens to her. Or to Maddie. He’d finally found his slice of happiness in the world, it can’t be gone already. It just can’t be.

The sun is well and truly set by the time he steps off the back of the mail truck they had commandeered for the purposes of getting as many people to the field hospital as possible. Chimney reminds himself that, if this all works out, he needs to thank Hen because he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so grateful for his best friend and partner more than he does right then. Every little bit he felt he was slacking on, every test he missed, every patient he didn’t glance over properly because his mind was too fixated on the two most important people in his life, eyes constantly seeking them out, Hen had stepped in. She had done the work for one and a half paramedics because he only felt like half of one right then.

It’s when his eyes settle on Buck and he hears Eddie shouting for Christopher that he feels his first surge of hope for the day. Maddie and Buck were together, if he had made it to the hospital then—“Have you seen Maddie?” Buck’s voice is quick to pull him from those thoughts, his heart sinking when he shakes his head, only able to watch as Bobby and Hen catch him before he falls. “T-they were g-going back—we stayed on the pier, they were going back to the car… I-I haven’t seen them since. I-I lost them, I lost them all.”

Every bit of hope he had found himself clinging onto slowly dissipates when he stares at the youngest Buckley sibling in front of him. How exhausted he looks, how he’s clinging onto Bobby and Hen in complete shock, his face pale and his arm bleeding. “S-she’s not on any list.” It’s as though his friend and colleague can read his thoughts, “Neither of them—none of them were on any list, I couldn’t find any of them. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, Chimney, there’s other hospitals, other lists. We’ll check them all, okay? Our shift is over, we’ve done everything we can, you’ve done a good job. We’ll check everywhere.” It’s Bobby’s calming voice that should soothe him enough to pull him from his spiralling thoughts and his fastening heartbeat but he’s been looking for them all day, and so has Buck and Bobby and Eddie must have kept an eye out too, just as they had for Christopher. And no one has seen or heard from either of them and it’s been hours since the first wave hit.

“Howard, don’t give up yet. There’s still hope, there’s always hope.” Hen whispers and he finds himself looking at her, the woman who had been there for him the second he had phoned and told her he had a daughter and he was at the hospital with her right then. The woman who had stayed with him for the first few nights and had gone shopping for him when he didn’t have a clue what to get or how to bring up a little girl, or any child really. The woman who loves his daughter as much as she would if she was her own biological niece. They are family and he wishes he could believe her, he wishes he could take some of that hope she’s feeling and force it into his own mind because all he can think right then is that he must be cursed and that he’s broken every single promise he ever made to both Rose and her mother, and to Maddie, too, even if she hadn’t ever heard him say those promises out loud.

“Daddy!”

“Rose?” It’s neither Hen nor Bobby that manages to pull him from those dark thoughts, but the voice of the one person he needed to hear more than anything right then. That familiar sound he’s heard a hundred times over, even gotten annoyed by (he’s never going to get annoyed at hearing her say daddy for the millionth time in one day ever again), forces him to turn around just in time for the little girl to come hurtling towards him.

Chimney is all too quick to push past the exhaustion in his own body, tears already falling from the second his arms wrap tightly around her and he pulls her up into his chest and hides his face in her flock of wild, long hair. “You’re okay, I’ve got you, Ro-Ro, you’re okay. Daddy loves you so, so, so much.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chimney’s entire body is shaking when he finally pulls back, smiling when his daughter wipes at the tears that are falling down his face, as he presses his lips to her tear stained cheeks. “Am okay, daddy!” Little hands press against each of his cheeks, until a tiny nose is pressed against his and even for fleeting seconds through the day, he had thought he would never see those eyes again. But there they are, staring into his, a serious look on her face as though she understands, even at such a young age, the impact the entire day has had on him.

He doesn’t want to put her down but he does, practically throwing himself down onto his knees the second her feet hit the ground so he can look her over. “Are you hurting anywhere? Is—are you bleeding?” He hates himself for being so caught up in the relief of seeing her that he hadn’t made sure she was physically okay. Chimney feels as though his heart has been ripped out and stomped on all over again when he looks at the blood on her top, biting down on his lip until he can taste blood of his own.

“Not mine.” Is all the answer he gets from his daughter, her voice low and her eyes wide when she stares down at where his hand is resting as his eyes move over her body, the panic rising through his body resulting in a lump of bile in his throat that he feels is going to come up at any given second. “Maddie’s.” Rose finally whispers, fingers gently grazing along his jawline, up to the tears that once again start to fall, a frown on her face. Just when he thought he couldn’t hate himself anymore, _Maddie_. He hadn’t forgotten about her, that was impossible but he’d not realised, even for those five minutes, that it was Rose and only Rose who had come hurtling towards him.

He’d been so caught up in Rose that he hadn’t noticed Buck pushing both of Bobby’s and Hen’s hands from his shoulders the second his eyes had fallen on his sister. His eyes had been buried in Rose’s hair and his arms wrapped tightly around her as he told her how much he loved her over and over again, that he hadn’t heard Buck say her name. But now, glancing over Rose’s shoulder, he can see a barely stable Buck with his arms wrapped tightly around Maddie, her head buried in his shoulder as Bobby hovers near them, seemingly ready to catch either one of them at any given second. She’s crying, even from his position, he can see the way her body is shaking and her grip is tight on the back of her brother’s shirt and he knows she’s probably feeling a very similar amount of relief at the knowledge her brother is alive as he had the second he’d seen his daughter.

“Maddie was so good, daddy, she helped lots and lots of people. It was really scary but Maddie was hugging me real tight, daddy and then we were swimming and then the water was gone! And then we had to come look for you, to tell you that we’re okay, are you okay, daddy? Daddy, you look sad. Why are you crying?” Despite the tears falling down his face, he still smiles as he looks at her, and listens to her talking at about a thousand miles an hour, only half of which he truly understands before his lips press to her forehead.

“Aunty Hen is going to check you over, okay? Just to make sure you’re okay and we’re going to find you a blanket and—we’re gonna go home, okay?” They were going to go home, he was _lucky_ , he had his daughter and his girlfriend and two of his best friends and the person he practically thought of like a nephew. They were all going to go home tonight, alive and relatively okay.

“Maddie too?”

He’s not usually one to make promises he doesn’t know he can keep but he nods his head anyway when he stands up, waiting until Hen picks Rose up before he steps a little closer to the Buckley siblings. Seemingly just in time for them to pull back, Bobby’s arm wrapped around Buck’s waist in an attempt to keep him standing when the adrenaline rush he must have had to send him running into Maddie’s arms. He can see the way she’s looking at her brother, imagining the same look on his face moments before when he had held Rose in his arms until her eyes glance over at him and he finds himself freezing for a second. The little girl had told him that she was bleeding but actually seeing it for himself, makes him feel as though he’s about to heave up whatever food Hen had practically stuffed in his mouth a few hours ago. “Maddie?”

“Howie—I’m so sorry, I-I—I don’t know your number by heart and my phone is broken a-and I—I had to help people, I couldn’t just… walk past them and I’m so sorry. I should have done better, I should have tried harder, you must have—” Her face is pale, blood staining one side of her face, her breathy rambling only interrupted when he pulls her into his arms, just in time as her knees buckle.

Chimney wraps his arms tightly around her, pulling her close into her body, feeling how her arms loop around his waist, one hand gripping at his jacket a lot tighter than the other. “Nothing to be sorry for, you’re okay, you’re both okay.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He can feel his heart breaking at the sound of her voice, at each apology mumbled against the crook of his neck and he can feel the tears soaking his skin. Chimney feels the words on the tip of his tongue, wanting to tell her that he loves her for the first time and that she never has to apologise because none of what happened today was her fault and he gets it, if it were the other way around, he would have had to stop to help people too. She was a nurse and he was a paramedic, they had a duty of care and a love for their jobs that meant they couldn’t just turn their backs if someone needed them.

It’s not until an arm wraps around his leg that he can bring himself to look down at his daughter, her chin tilted up to look at the two adults with her arms wrapped around them both. “I love you both, daddy and Maddie.”

It’s with a nod that Chimney, keeping one arm around Maddie to keep her upright, bends down slightly to pick her up, pressing a kiss to the side of her head when her legs wrap around his waist. “I love you, Ro-Ro. I love both of you and I am so, so glad that you’re both here with me.” 

The words aren’t lost on Maddie, he can tell by the uncertain look on her face when she pulls back, as though for a second, she doesn’t feel worthy of it before she’s nodding, “I love you both, too.”

“Maddie saved me, daddy.” Chimney knows that Rose doesn’t completely understand what she was saved from and he’s thankful for that and he’s more than thankful that her mother was a talented swimmer and it was important to her side of the family that he get Rose into swimming very early on, so her fear of the water was non-existent. “Gonna get a bright yellow cast just like me, right, Maddie? Right? Like me?”

“Y-yeah, just like you, little star.” He doesn’t know if it’s years of being a paramedic or just months of loving her and knowing her but he immediately picks up on the way her body slumps against his and the slow drawl of her voice, enough to drive him to gesture to Hen to take his daughter from him. Seemingly just in time for Maddie to give into the internal fight she must have been suffering for an amount of time he dreads to think, his arms easily hooking beneath her knees the second she gives in.

“Okay, okay, we’ve all had a long day, Maddie’s just a little tired,” He’d become an expert at keeping his voice light in the most terrifying of situations, forcing a smile on his face so his daughter doesn’t burst into the tears he can see forming in her eyes as she watches. “we just gotta go see a doctor.” There’s some form of comfort in the way she rests her head in the crook of his neck as her eyes close, holding her closely. She was going to be okay, it’s the mantra he keeps repeating to himself as he walks back towards the hospital, eyes flicking between her face and at Rose, safe in Hen’s arms. They were going to be okay. They had to be.

. 

Rose had been the first to spot the 118, Maddie had been too far inside of her own head, trying to focus on just getting her somewhere safe, surrounded by people who could contact Chimney and let him know that his daughter was okay. Maddie watched as she let go of her hand for the first time in hours to go running towards her dad, giving her just seconds to soak in the pure relief she felt the moment his arms were wrapped around Rose.

And then she heard a voice she had partly managed to convince herself she would never hear again. She had seen more dead bodies and horrific injuries in one go than she ever had in all her years as an ER nurse. Buck and Christopher had been right on the pier, she had hoped for a miracle but years of experience had taught her to expect the worst. But there he was, her little brother, pale and bleeding but otherwise in one piece.

Maddie knows that they’ve gotten lucky, that all four of them are physically relatively okay. She tries not to let her mind wander to what could have happened, especially because Buck is on blood thinners and the wound on his arm could have been worse. It’s hard though, as she’s sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, waiting for a doctor to come back with her discharge papers, to stop her mind from going right where she has tried to stop it all day. Buck could have died or Christopher could have and that would be awful just on it’s own but she knows with that, she’d have lost her brother, too. He would never, ever be able to move on from that level of guilt even though no one would have blamed him. She knows because if anything had happened to Rose, she’d have never been able to forgive herself.

Her eyes wander over to the little girl, half-asleep in Chimney’s arms, although she’s still talking about how Maddie’s cast isn’t yellow like hers was and Maddie can tell the man has given up on trying to explain to her that the hospital wasn’t exactly equipped with all the various colours. “Maddie, are you sure you don’t want to stay the night? That’s a nasty head wound…”

“There’s people a lot worse off than me who are going to need this bed. I’ll be fine, I promise.” The woman leans into the gentle touch of Chimney’s hand against her cheek as she forces a small smile on her face. She’s thankful for the dose of pain killers that have quelled the pain she had been feeling and she knows she will be even more thankful when she can close her eyes and fall asleep, although she’s terrified at what her subconscious mind will bring to the surface.

Despite her words, Chimney still seems unsure, thumb brushing against her cheek until his hand moves to push a piece of her hair behind her ear. “You fainted, I just—the doctors really don’t want you to leave, Maddie. What if…” Their eyes meet as Maddie presses her hand against his, until she glances at Rose who slowly seems to be giving into what her body so desperately needs right then. The doctors had looked her over, she was okay and Maddie isn’t too sure she cares what injuries she has because none of that matters.

“I’m just tired.” It’s half-honest because she’s not entirely certain the word ‘tired’ can even begin to cover what she’s feeling right then. But still, she feels lucky that she can walk away from that tsunami knowing her brother was alive, that Christopher was going to be asleep in his own bed tonight and that Rose was safe in her father’s arms. She can say she survived the tsunami with a broken arm, a concussion and a few stitches. “Think I’m gonna go home and sleep for the next twenty-four hours.”

“No,” The response from her boyfriend is all too quick, his eyes wide as he wraps an arm around her, pulling her into his chest as he does. “I can’t let you stay on your own, not tonight—especially not tonight. You should stay with us tonight, someone needs to keep an eye on you with that concussion anyway and—I… I kind of don’t want to take my eyes off either of you right now, is that okay?” She’d have said yes anyway, but the fear in his voice and the sound of unshed tears alongside the light tremble of his hand causes her to nod her head a little too eagerly. Enough to cause a wave of dizziness to wash over her as she takes a deep breath. “I love you.”

He’d said that before but his eyes had been between her and Rose, and he’d referred to them both and whilst she had felt the impact of those words, just hearing it entirely aimed at her feels… different. It’s with a gulp that she looks up, resting her chin on his chest, “I love you, too. I’m just so sor—”

“If you’re going to apologise again, please don’t. You brought her home to me, Maddie, how long that took doesn’t matter. You made sure my little girl is right here, fast asleep and healthy in my arms and I can never thank you enough for that.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

They both smile at each other when he leans his head down to press his lips to her forehead, “Will you let me look after you though? I know that’s hard for you and I know you’re used to being the one taking care of people but please stay with us for a few days—weeks—god, forever if you’ll have us… or until you heal. I just—stay with us for however long you want, please?” They’ve known each other over six months and Maddie knows she had fallen hard and fast for him and for Rose and for their little family. She feels as though she knows him, knows every part of him and she can sense how nervous he is right then, how much the words mean to him. And a part of her knows this is beyond everything that happened today, that the two of them had felt right since the second she had first wrapped her arms around as he cried over the guilt of his daughter breaking her arm at the park.

“O-okay,” She finally whispers, “only if you’re sure and only if Rose is okay with it.”

“You’re her hero, Maddie and she adores you but we can talk about it more tomorrow, just let me take you home and take care of you tonight. One night at a time, right?”

“Right,” She looks up at him with a smile - it’s hard not to think about how terrified she is to fall asleep in his arms, not knowing what her dreams are going to conjure up. It had taken her months of therapy and talking about it to accept everything that had happened with her ex-husband and she had finally gotten into a good, stable place, “one night at a time.”

. 

The day has been one of the longest of his life, even as he’s watching the clock strike midnight, signalling the start of a new day, it feels as though it had taken forever just to get to that point. He can remember so easily, kissing Maddie goodbye that morning as he headed off for his twenty-four-hour shift. He can remember just watching her turn onto her side, still half-asleep at six in the morning, wrapping an arm around Rose who had joined them in bed the second his alarm had gone off.

Chimney had taken a picture on his phone, the same picture that had somehow kept him going throughout the day. He had stared at it between texting and phoning Maddie and never getting an answer. He could have lost them both today – yesterday – he could have lost either of them so easily. He feels lucky to have been able to come home with both of his girls in his arms that evening. He had wanted to burst into tears (and almost had) when he was bathing his exhausted daughter and practically force feeding her some toast just to get something in her stomach before sleep won. She was only three and her tiny body had been through so much, he could only hope she slept the night away, that the sheer exhaustion she felt would beat over any horrific memories of the day.

It had been a long day for all of them and he still didn’t know much of what had happened in those hours between the wave going back out to sea and Maddie and Rose arriving at the hospital. He had half-expected for his eyes to close the second his head hit the pillow but instead, his thoughts were whirring, thinking up all of the worst case scenarios and holding Maddie as close as he could as she lets out a whimper in her sleep. Chimney somehow feels wide awake despite it all or perhaps more afraid of what his imagination can conjure up when his subconscious mind takes over. And at the same time, he needs to make sure that Maddie is okay and he needs to be there if Rose wakes up crying for him.

He can feel the crushing pressure of being the best dad and boyfriend he possibly can be at the same time because he feels as though he owes Maddie his life. Because really, what life would he have had if he had lost his the biggest piece of his heart? Chimney rubs at the tears that start to fall once more, chewing a little more aggressively on the gum in his mouth as he tries to keep himself as calm as he possibly can. His lips move down to press into her hair as he squeezes his eyes tightly shut and tries not to let the sobs rack his body as they so long to do. He could have lost everything, life was too fragile and Rose hasn’t even gotten started on showing the world and him what she can do.

Chimney is still awake an hour later, scrolling through his phone with the hand that isn’t holding onto Maddie, the tears falling as he reads through the stories of what people had gone through that day, letting his mind get lost in the thoughts of what Maddie had seen and what she had probably protected Rose from seeing. It’s one in the morning, and he’s getting close to being awake for twenty-four-hours on perhaps the most stressful, terrifying and emotionally draining day of his life and he knows sleep won’t come easy and it won’t come soon. Especially not when Maddie lets out a sound as though she’s desperately gasping for air until she’s yanking herself from his grip on her and sitting up.

It takes barely a second for him to sit up next to her, his phone discarded and his hand on her back as she pants for air. “It’s just a dream.” He finally finds himself saying out loud, rubbing her back gently as he bites down on his lip and tilts his head to the side so he can look at her face.

“No, it happened. It was a memory.” Her voice is barely a whisper and he wishes he could say or do something that would alleviate the way her entire body is trembling right then. He wishes he could do something that would take away everything that had happened that day.

“I-I know, Maddie, I know. Lay down, please, your—your stitches, come lay back down with me. It’s okay, there we go—” His words are gently spoken as he moves to wrap an arm around her to guide her back down onto the mattress, his lips immediately falling to her forehead the second she rests her head on his shoulder.

“What if I didn’t manage to shield Rose from everything as much as I thought I had? What if she’s traumatised for the rest of her life because I couldn’t—I should have just… I should have done things differently, I should have gotten her to you sooner.”

“Maddie—”

“Daddy? Maddie?” He hates himself for feeling some sort of relief at the sound of his daughter’s sleep filled voice, eyes snapping over to her as she slowly walks into the bedroom with her teddy bear clutched in one hand and her old baby blanket in the other. He honestly hadn’t known what to say to Maddie other than what he’s already told her what seems a hundred times already – that Rose would be okay because she had him and Maddie and a family who adored her and would listen to anything she needs to talk about, he’d get her a therapist if he had to. Anything he had to do would be because she had been through a traumatic event that no one was to blame for. He just wishes Maddie would stop blaming herself. “Had a bad dream.”

“Me too, little star, come here.” Chimney pulls Maddie into his side a little more as Rose clambers up onto the bed and buries herself in his other side, snuggling up under the blanket as her hand lets go of her teddy to rest over where Maddie’s hand rests on his chest.

“Can sleep in here tonight?”

He puts his other arm around her, “Of course you can, let’s all try and get some rest.” Rose’s eyes close quickly, and his attention turns to Maddie, “We can talk more tomorrow or today, you know what I mean, okay? But I don’t blame you for anything she may or may not have seen, you helped people today, Maddie and I wouldn’t expect anything different from you. And I’ve ended the day with my two favourite girls in my arms, I couldn’t ask for anything more from you.”

“I love you, Howie. I love both of you so, so much. I didn’t think I could ever feel that way about anyone ever again but it’s what I feel when I’m with you, with both of you. I finally feel like I have a family and—I was so terrified that I let you down or that you’d be disappointed in me.”

“I felt a lot of things today and not one of them was either of those things.” He sighs, nuzzling his nose into her hair as his own eyes close and he finally feels his body starting to give into what it really needs. “I love you, thank you for making me the luckiest man in the world today.” Chimney smiles when he feels her body relaxing as his hand rubs gentle circles on her back, “It’s okay, I’ve got you, it’s okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been a long day with too much time spent talking about her feelings and thoughts following the tsunami. It had been an entire week since the day and Maddie knows that if she wants to go back to work anytime soon, then therapy was entirely compulsory. It just doesn’t mean it’s easy or any less exhausting than it had been, trying to be as honest with the stranger as she possibly could have been. Honest in a way she didn’t feel as though she could be with her boyfriend.

That’s nothing against him, not even slightly but the second she expresses an ounce of guilt out loud, he looks at her as though she’s crazy and she already feels that enough without him confirming it. That day has been the most terrifying of her entire life which barely made sense because she was responsible for patients every single day of her career, she had felt that crushing, overwhelming sense of responsibility at least once every shift but it was different that day.

Rose was just a little girl and all Maddie could think about when she looked at her was how tight she had held her. How the only thoughts that had been running through her head was how she had to get Chimney’s daughter back to him because he couldn’t lose her. They’d survived but Maddie still couldn’t shake the sense of dread she’d had or the fear that she was going to let both Rose and Chimney down.

“Maddie? Are you listening to me?”

Her eyes snap up to look at him, biting down on her lip as she does. Rose was with her Aunt Katie for the night, her mother’s sister whilst her grandparents were in town, so it was just the two of them for the first time since everything that had happened. Maddie feels guilty for the fact she has practically moved into their apartment but every time she suggested leaving, Chimney would wrap his arms around her and Rose would give her puppy eyes that she simply couldn’t say no to.

“Uh, no, sorry—” She looks down at the bowl of pasta in front of her, her fork forgotten as she shakes her head, “what did you say?”

“I asked if you were okay to take care of Ro on Monday? I have to go to back to work, you don’t have to do anything but I think it would be nice for the two of you to spend some together.” Maddie wonders if she’s reading too much into that last part or if he’s noticed her adamant desire to ensure that she and Rose aren’t alone together over the last week. It’s just hard to shake the fact that she no longer feels worthy of the level of trust Chimney puts in her because sure, she brought Rose home in one piece but in the hours it had taken her to get from the pier to the field hospital, she’d exposed the little girl to far too much.

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

She holds her cast covered arm close to her chest as she bites down on her lip and frowns, seeing the shock on his face. Maddie was always one to jump at any opportunity she had to bond with the little girl, to want to spend any time with her that she possibly could. And she knows the reasons for not wanting to do so now make absolutely no sense, even the therapist had pointed out that much to her but they come from a place she can’t even begin to explain. She had felt _relieved_ when her grandparents on her mother’s side had come into town and insisted on spending some time with the little girl they could have lost after they had lost their daughter three years ago.

“You need to let go of this guilt.” She supposes she really hadn’t been as subtle as she thought she had been, “Ro loves you, I love you and you can’t just avoid being alone with her forever, Maddie. You’re a huge part of our lives and I know you’re struggling—”

He stops when she lets out a bitter laugh, angrily wiping at the tears that have fallen down her cheeks, “I’m just tired.” Maddie finally whispers, after a few moments of silence, pushing away the bowl before she looks up at him.

He only shakes his head in response, practically slamming his own fork down with a clang, “It’s more than that and you know it. What happened… it happened and we can’t change it and I don’t blame you and Ro… you’re her hero and you’re mine. I don’t understand why you can’t see it that way.”

“Me neither.” She admits, “But it’s my fault… every single time she wakes up screaming, every time she cries out for you, I-I just… I could have done better, I could have done things differently.”

It takes seconds for Chimney to move over towards her, so easily wrapping her into his arms as his lips press against her hairline, until she can feeling his own tears wetting her hair and there’s that self-hatred she feels all over again. “You must have been so scared,” She mumbles against his shirt, “and I could have taken away that fear hours before I did and why don’t you hate me? I don’t understand.”

“Because I would have been happy to be scared even those extra few hours as long as it ended with having Rose and you in my arms safe and sound.” His arms unwrap from around her, hand moving beneath her chin to tilt her head up, forcing her to look into his eyes as she bites down on her lip. “That is all I wanted on that day and you gave it to me, so please, please remember that when you’re feeling guilty about everything that happened. Please.”

“I know it’s stupid—”

“Nothing about you is stupid, not how you think, not what you do, nothing at all.” He takes a breath and she can’t stop herself from giving him a small smile when she sees the way tears dance in his eyes, never truly being able to understand how someone could care about her wellbeing so much. “Just please, try and forgive yourself because I never blamed you but you Buckley siblings sure do know how to let that guilt weigh you down, huh?”

It’s with a small pout that she lifts her hand to his face, “I’m sorry I ruined date night, it’s just—been a rough day, therapy and all. I’d almost forgotten how exhausting it feels to be vulnerable…”

“Then date night can turn into lets cuddle on the couch and you can pretend to watch to watch Mission Impossible for the hundredth time whilst you actually fall asleep, deal?” Maddie grins at him as she nods her head, pressing her lips to his chin and then his cheek.

“I really do love you.”

Their eyes meet when he tucks her hair behind her ears before his lips move to her forehead, just next to the almost healed cut, before his lips trails down her skin to her nose. “I love you so much.”


	4. Chapter 4

Maddie knows that she has to move on but she supposes sometimes that’s easier said than done. It had been a long day, one filled with self-torture when she decided to relieve quite possibly one of the worst days of her life and go to the pier. Just seeing all those faces of the people who were still missing, the faces of the people who had died had put her straight back to that day a few weeks before.

“Buck let me in when he was on his way out.” Chimney’s voice sounds through the otherwise silent apartment, causing her to jump a little as she lets go of the hot cup of coffee she had been holding in her hand. The confusion on her face must be obvious as he sets the bag of food he had been holding down on the kitchen counter, “Date night, remember?”

Maddie had only been back in her own apartment a few days and despite the fact Buck had well and truly made himself at home whilst she had been staying with Chimney and his daughter, she still felt that crushing loneliness. She missed him and Rose more than she could have ever imagined, but still, felt as though she was on the outside looking in on a family she felt as though she had almost destroyed. The guilt wasn’t logical, Frank, her therapist, had told her that much and on a level, she understood that but it didn’t make it any easier. “Yeah, at seven…”

“Maddie, it is seven. Buck said you’d been sitting here all day in a world of your own.” There’s a tone of impatience in his voice that she isn’t sure she’s heard before, biting down on her bottom lip as she looks at him. She isn’t entirely certain what to say to that, instead, watching him unpack the Thai food as he avoids any eye contact with her. “Buck also said you went to the pier this morning.”

“Wow, Buck says a lot doesn’t he?” It’s not fair to her brother, she knows that much, all he’s ever done is care about her and try to protect her, sometimes from herself and if he had told Chimney anything it would have only ever come from a place of worry and not gossip.

Chimney’s words confirm what she is already thinking as he shrugs his shoulders, “He’s worried about you.” She thinks that is always her brothers default position when it comes to her and she wishes she could be stronger and act more like the big sister and less like the vulnerable one who needs her little brother’s protection all the time. Again, probably not fair and maybe not even true but the thoughts whirl through her head in a way she just can’t stop. “I’m worried about you.”

He brings over a few boxes of the food, placing them on the table in front of her before he sits on the chair closest to her own, a frown on his face, “You can’t keep punishing yourself for something that was so completely out of your control. You have to let of this guilt you’re feeling before it eats you alive.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

It’s six words but the impact is profound as he flinches and shakes his head, “It’s really not Maddie, I feel that panic every single day when I remember that I could have lost Rose and I could have lost you. But I feel like I am losing you in a completely different way now and I don’t know what to do.” She knows that she’s been distant, not just with him but with his daughter, too. Part of her knows that it’s survivors guilt and then the general guilt she feels over the fact Chimney had suffered for an entire day not knowing if his little girl was okay. Another part of her wonders if this is all some sort of fated punishment for thinking she could ever be happy. Maddie isn’t certain she knows which one is the most rational thought anymore.

“Do you ever just wish you could have done everything so differently?”

“Of course, because hindsight is a great thing, Maddie. You know that. The first conversation we ever had was me wishing I had done something differently, remember?”

Despite herself, she still finds herself smiling at the memory of walking into that hospital room that day and finding a handsome guy with a scar on his forehead (whom she had immediately deciphered to be Chimney from the stories her brother had told her and the realisation that it really was a small world) and his little girl with a broken arm. She can remember how guilty he felt because he had looked down at his phone for a few seconds and she had fallen from the monkey bars in that amount of time. Maddie can remember holding him as he cried and how she had told him that it wasn’t his fault.

Hypocrite, she supposes that’s the only word for her right then as she chews down on her bottom lip and looks down at the liquid in her mug. “Don’t you hate me just a little?”

“No.” The answer is quick, and it’s not even the first time she’s asked him, yet she expects the answer to be different every single time. His hand clasps around hers and she takes a deep breath. “I think you hate you a little, though.”

“I just—I know Rose is having nightmares and it’s not a surprise because of course she is, we all are and I wish I could control the things in my head, I wish I could explain them to you. I think I might be a little crazy.” She ends the mini-ramble with an awkward laugh before she pouts at her boyfriend, who somehow is still looking at her as though he couldn’t possibly love her anymore. She still can’t help but wonder what she did to deserve someone like him, someone who has so much capacity for love, so much more than she could have ever thought possible.

“You still doing therapy?”

“See? You think I’m crazy, too.” Maddie groans when he slides some of the food over to her with a roll of his eyes, “But yes, I am. Don’t worry, he’s not suggested I check myself in anywhere just yet.” Chimney leans forward to press his lips to the tip of her nose, his forehead resting against hers for a second before his hand rests gently on her cast covered arm, eyes moving down so he can trace the love heart his daughter had drawn on it.

“If I thought you were crazy would I be asking you to move in with me and Rose?” The question shouldn’t take her by surprise because she had accidentally overheard him discussing it with the three year old about two weeks ago but when he had never asked, she’d just assumed she had pushed him too far. “We really miss having you around and Buck can take over the lease for this place if he wants and I know it’s not been too long but… despite everything, despite how awkward you have been…” Her cheeks flush and she giggles when he bumps her nose with his finger, “we miss you and I think you miss us, too.”

“I mean… I miss having princess dress up and Disney movie nights with Rose…”

“Oh, is that all?”

“Oh! And I miss baking cookies with her and letting her do my make-up and…” There’s a teasing grin on her face as she talks, listening to his chair scraping along the floor as he moves a little closer to her, before both his hands are on either side of his face.

“Anything else?”

The look in his eyes is only a little playful, the smile tugging on the corner of his lips as his thumbs brush against the skin of her reddening cheeks. “I miss falling asleep next to you… and then waking up to Rose pouncing on us.”

“Is that a yes?” Chimney is all too eager in his response as his smile grows and his eyes start to sparkle and she knows this is their next big step towards a future with each other. The kind of step she knew she needed to take to start moving on from the guilt that was clouding her head.

It’s with a laugh that she nods her head, “That’s a yes, if you’ll still have me.”

.

The day had been one of the best in a long time, Maddie could finally feel herself relaxing, _belonging._ It was silly really, she knows that neither Chimney or Rose had ever made her feel anything other than completely part of their little family. They’d had a lovely day at the zoo (inland, thankfully), with Rose telling them all about her favourite animals (which was all of them) whilst Chimney kept his hand in hers for most of the day with a goofy grin on his face.

It was seemingly insignificant, it was just a trip to the zoo with her two favourite people but the day had been filled with moments that she was sure she would remember for the rest of her life. Like how Chimney would look at her in a way that made her heart feel as though it was about to jump out of her chest and brought a flush to her cheeks in a way she hadn’t felt since she was a teenager falling in love for the first time. It sounds terribly cheesy but that’s how she feels every single day with him, even more so the last few days since he’d asked her to move in with him.

Or the moments where Rose would tug on her top to show her something, or when Chimney would make plans for the future, just fleeting, simply ones like how they should go on a family vacation (again, inland, Maddie had been quick to point out with a nervous laugh).

Maddie just can’t remember a time in her life she had been as happy as she was when she was surrounded by the two Han’s. Moving to LA had been the best, although scariest at the time, decision of her life. A decision that Buck had constantly reminded her she had yet to thank him for, considering it had been his idea after her husbands funeral to go back with him.

It’s when they’re sitting down on the grass, Maddie sitting between Chimney’s legs as she leans her back against his chest as Rose sits across from them, playing with her new cuddly giraffe toy with one hand and holding her ice cream with the other. Maddie can only smile as she watches her, always finding herself so amazed at how much joy and wonder was contained within the three-year-old. “Hey, Ro? Maddie and I had something we actually wanted to talk to you about.”

There’s another thing she realises she loves about the man – the way he talks to his daughter, the way he includes her in the big decisions that will impact her life, too. She finds herself snuggling a little more into him as she licks her ice cream, realising how excited she is to get her cast off next week because she wants nothing more right then than to take his hand in her own right then. All the little girl does is look up at them both, her face completely covered in ice cream in a way that Maddie finds borderline impressive.

“Do you remember when we were talking about Maddie living with us?”

“Forever?” The innocence in her voice is enough to bring tears to Maddie’s eyes as she takes a breath and tilts her head up to look at Chimney, almost bursting into tears when she sees the huge grin on his face as he nods.

“That’s right, Ro and Maddie said yes, is that still okay with you?” Maddie wishes she could explain why she suddenly feels more than a little anxious as her heart clenches and she turns her attention back to the little girl who is all too eagerly nodding her head.

“So, sleepovers every night? And pancakes every morning?”

“Well… no, because it won’t be a sleepover anymore, Maddie will be living with us, so we’ll have to find a new normal, okay?” Chimney’s voice is gentle, and for a second, she thinks it’s about to take a turn for the worse when Rose pouts at them both and her big, brown eyes fill with tears.

“But that doesn’t mean we can never have pancakes for breakfast, we’ll just have to work it all out and find something that works for us as a family, right, little star?” As quickly as the tears had appeared, they’re gone, the two adults watching as she goes back to licking the ice cream that has dripped over her hand.

“Family?”

Both Maddie and Chimney not their heads at the same time, before she tilts her head up, grinning when his lips move to hers, causing his daughter to let out a giggle. Maddie’s so caught up in the kiss until she’s pulled back by Rose flinging herself onto her lap, laughing when sloppy, ice cream covered lips are pressed to her cheek before Chimney presses his to her other cheek. She’d never thought she’d have a family of her own, beyond her and her husband, so she makes a mental note to add this to the long list of singular moments she shares with the two people she loves so much.

“Always, Maddie, always.” 


	5. Chapter 5

Maddie giggles when Rose is all too eager to run up and down the aisle, pointing out all of the things she thinks they need now that she’s moving in. Really, they don’t need anything new but Chimney had absolutely insisted they go shopping so she could grab a few things that would make her feel more at home or at least, more like it was her home, too and not just his and Rose’s.

Her hand is tight in Chimney’s as they walk just behind the little girl, getting used to the feeling of his hand in hers without the plaster cast getting in the way. She keeps her eyes entirely focused on the little girl though, still feeling that slight paranoia at the thought of letting her out of her sight for even a second.

Rose lets out a giggle as she wraps her arms around the fluffy pink pillow she’s grabbed from the shelf. “So soft and pink!” She exclaims with the level of excitement and enthusiasm increasing by the second before she looks at the two of them with the biggest puppy eyes and whilst Maddie knows it won’t take much convincing, she shoots Chimney the exact same look before she rests her head on his shoulder and looks up at him with a pout.

“Would look so nice in her bedroom.”

“Ah, okay, I see how this is going to go. The two of you ganging up on me.” There are lips against her nose, causing her to laugh before she nods her head at Rose, starting to think they should have gotten a shopping cart and not the small basket Chimney holds in his other hand. Still, the little girl seems satisfied and is seemingly not letting go of her new purchase as she continues to hold it to her chest and skips through to the next aisle.

“You know, I really don’t need anything new—it feels like home already with the two of you.” There had been a point in her life when she had never thought the level of happiness she feels right then would have been possible. Her life had been tumultuous to say the least, and whilst she had always wanted a family of her own, it had never felt possible. At least, not until she found herself falling in love with the single dad and his gorgeous little girl.

The smile on his face is brighter than the sun and it doesn’t seem to matter how much time has passed or what they’ve been through, it still causes butterflies in her stomach and her heart to flutter and she can’t stop herself from tilting her head up to press her lips to his as she forces them to come to a stop. Maddie still finds herself hyperaware of the little girl though, pulling back after just a second just to make sure she’s still in the same aisle as them, laughing when she sees her looking at new bed sheets. “Besides, I think this has turned into a shopping trip for Rose and not for us.”

Her eyes glance over at the basket which so far contains new bed sheets for their bed, a few candles and a plant pot she thought looked pretty. And then there was the assortment of bath bombs Rose had said looked good, a new hot water bottle, a new throw she liked for her bedroom and then clearly, the bed sheets she had discarded the cushion on the floor for when she looks over at them with the brightest smile on her face. Yeah, Maddie thinks, she’s going to be an absolute sucker for the three-year-old. “Glows!”

Both adults laugh as they step forward, Maddie taking the glow in the dark star bed sheets from her outstretched hand as she nods her head, “I think they’re really pretty, little star. Perfect for you.” Arms wrap around her legs and she wonders if it’s ever a feeling she will get used to, or an action that won’t cause happy tears to sting her eyes as she smiles down at her. Big, brown eyes are looking up at her, chin resting on her thigh before she tilts her head to look at her daddy, “Thank you.” She show-whispers when she notices him taking the object from Maddie’s hands and putting it in the basket with a playful roll of his eyes.

Maddie watches her run away, always turning around once she gets to the bottom of the aisle to wait for them, feeling an all too familiar pang in her stomach as she thinks about the possibility of chasing after another Han. That sounds crazy, considering she had been married and whilst she had always wanted to be a mother, she had never actually imagined having a child with him. But now, watching as the toddler so eagerly waits for them, she can’t stop herself from thinking about another little girl or boy standing right next to her, biting down on her lip in an attempt to stop those thoughts consuming her. She was only just moving in, which didn’t at all feel rushed but still, she can’t possibly bring up her thoughts to the man who already had a biological child of his own.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

His voice pulls her from her thoughts and she shrugs her shoulders, the lie falling from her lips as they turn the corner into the next row of items she’s barely been paying any attention to. “Oh, uh, I was wondering if I was in the mood for Mexican food or Chinese tonight.”

“Mexican sounds good, there’s that nice restaurant not too far from here.” Maddie nods her head in response, smiling up at him before she snuggles a little more into his side. The two of them letting out a laugh when Rose once again drops the cushion she had been so excited about, to instead hold up a cuddly toy. “Maybe I’m a little grateful there’s _two_ salaries coming in now.” Her boyfriend jokes, letting out a groan as he shakes his head, “I was wondering why she was so excited to come shopping.”

“She knows she has us both wrapped around those tiny, genius fingers.” Maddie comments, taking the bear from the girl when she holds it out to her.

“For you!”

The woman knows the drill, a small smirk on her face when she nods her head, knowing that it’s definitely not for her and will certainly end up on Rose’s bed with the hundreds of other cuddly toys. “Thank you, Ro-Ro. I’ll be sure to pop it right next to the valentines bear your daddy got me.” It’s with a wink thrown towards the little girl that she pops it in the basket, her lips moving to Chimney’s cheek when he lets out an exaggerated groan.

It’s so domestic, the three of them shopping together for their home they’re building with each other and she couldn’t imagine anything better than living with the two of them, waking up to Chimney every single morning and falling asleep next to him every night. Making Rose her breakfast and coming home to the rambunctious three-year-old telling her all about her day. She has a family of her own, after what feels like waiting forever and it was most definitely worth the wait.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a long day, full of sugary goods and excitement from the little girl who seemingly, absolutely adored everything there was about Halloween. It hadn’t been a holiday Maddie was particularly interested in before; Halloween had come with it’s own stressors living in a turbulent household with her ex-husband in what seemed to be another life and then it came with even more stressors in the form of work and some of the—well, frankly, _idiots_ —who walked through the doors of the Emergency Room sometimes.

But now it was definitely up there as one of her favourites, watching the massive grin on Rose’s face as one hand clasps onto Maddie’s and the other holds the bucket full of candy as tightly as she possibly can. The fact she’s practically skipping into the station and then almost spills her candy in her eagerness when she spots both her daddy and Aunty Hen hovering around the closest ambulance, lets Maddie know that _maybe_ she’s had a little too much sugar. Maybe. But the look in Chimney’s eyes is all too forgiving when he has both his arms wrapped around his daughter, laughing when she presses way too many kisses to his face and then talks at a hundred miles an hour about all the candy she’s gotten.

“She uh, had to eat some of the candy because it was overspilling.” There’s a small smirk on Hen’s face when she shakes her head as Chimney laughs, until his eyes are settling on her when he sets Rose back down. The smile growing on his face with the realisation that they had decided on a matching costume for their first Halloween together. It was Rose who had asked and Maddie, always wanting to indulge her favourite little girl, had all too easily agreed. That was how she had found herself in matching overalls and an identical plaid shirt to the little girl, the two of them with their long hair over their shoulders in braids. They’d finished off the look with a straw hat each, an ‘R’ embroidered into Rose’s and an ‘M’ in Maddie’s before she’d applied some child-friendly, scary make-up.

“You went trick or treating like that?” Chimney’s eyes are watering and it makes her bite down on her lip when she steps forward, “You’re both scarecrows and you both look ador—” There’s a look on her face, matched by the glare on Rose’s when she shakes her head, “terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.” He’s quick to correct, forcing Hen to let out a snort of laughter beside him as she murmurs something in sarcastic agreement.

When his lips are against hers, the smile is instantaneous, her arm moving to wrap around his waist as they watch Hen and Rose walk towards the steps, with the promise of leftover pizza being uttered. “Thank you for today, she looks like she’s had an amazing time, although I’m glad you’re the one who has to put up with that sugar crash and not me.” Rose had been disheartened when she had been told her dad was on a twenty-four-hour shift for the entirety of Halloween and Maddie had originally meant to have been in work. But for the price of two covered shifts and a night of karaoke, she’d managed to convince Josh to cover.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me,” She murmurs, nudging her nose into his cheek, giggling when some of the paint smudges onto his skin, “I know she’s not _mine_ but it’s easy to forget sometimes.”

“She’s yours in every way that matters.” Rose would always have her biological mother’s family in her life, her aunt only lived about twenty minutes away and her grandparents visited often. Their sister and daughter would live on through them and Maddie knows how important that is but Rose had never known her mother, she’d never gotten the opportunity to meet her. There’s no shoes to fill as such but Maddie needs Rose and Chimney to know that she would never try and replace the woman neither she or Rose would ever know in person.

It still makes her feel guilty when someone refers to her as Rose’s mom and no one corrects them, even if the longing to have this family with Chimney and Rose and any future children they hadn’t ever spoken about but she had all too often thought about. “You’ve gone quiet again.” His voice is in her ear, his fingers playing idly with the bottom of her braid when he frowns, “You’ve been doing that a lot lately, are you okay?”

She had been getting lost in her own thoughts far too often lately, more so the closer she gets to her thirty-fifth birthday and she so often feels a longing sort of pain that resides in her womb as though she’s missing something she hadn’t wanted in such a long time. Usually when she’s looking at Rose and thinking about what an amazing big sister she’d make and always when she has these moments of quiet with the little girl as she’s bathing her or tucking her into bed or snuggled up on the couch with her on her lap. Broody. That was what Josh had commented when he had seen her with a pout on her lips at the sight of a newborn baby in her mother’s arms at the ER one night. Completely and utterly lost in the fact that she was safe and she was loved and happier than she had been in such a long time.

“Maddie?”

She’d done it again, lost in her own thoughts as she had watched Rose waving at them from the top of the balcony with a massive smile on her face. She hadn’t known it was possible to love anyone as much as she loves both Rose and Chimney or to be loved so intensely by the two of them. “Sorry, just thinking.” The additional fact that Hen and Karen were thinking of trying for a baby of their own had brought it right to the forefront of her mind whenever she saw either woman, leaning back against Chimney as she sighs. “How are Karen and Hen doing with everything?”

“They found a potential sperm donor they agree on, I think the hormones are really taking their toll on Karen but they’re happy… is that what you’ve been thinking about?”

There’s a hesitation in his voice and she wonders if that means he doesn’t want any more children. He had Rose and she was absolutely perfect in every single way possible and she’d be enough for Maddie too, if she didn’t feel her biological clock ticking away and if she didn’t imagine far too often what it would be like to have another two or three mini Chimney’s running around the place. “No, no. I just can’t imagine it’s easy but I’m happy for them.” His lips are against her forehead when she tilts her head up to look at him, her fingers grazing over his jawline as she so completely takes him in. She feels lucky every single day, even more so when she gets to wake up next to him every single morning and feel so much more joy than she ever thought possible.

Maybe she wants to share that joy with another child. Maybe she longs to be a mother more than she ever thought possible, although she knows she could never love any child – biological or otherwise – any differently or more than she loves Rose. “You’re holding something back—”

It’s a conversation for another day, when they’re not standing in the middle of the fire station, so she’s more than thankful for her brother calling them both up to join them because Rose wasn’t sharing her candy. It’s with a grin that she pulls back from her boyfriend, moving instead to take his hand in her own, “Maybe I am but we can talk about it some other day, right now, there’s a little girl high on sugar and seemingly having to fight off a bunch of tired firefighters.”

He seems unconvinced but nods his head anyway, groaning when they both hear a loud “No, not those ones!” coming from upstairs, the three year old clearly on the verge of some kind of meltdown (which she’s entirely certain is being caused by her brother).

Maddie tugs on his hand once they reach the bottom of the stairs, “I really do love you.”

The smile is bright when he looks at her, his eyes shining with so much joy it leaves her breathless every single time, “I love you, too. Now, rock, paper, scissors, who gets to tell Rose that she has to share?”

“Deal.”


End file.
